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Without His Wedding Ring

Rings

My husband admits that he is feeling lost without his wedding ring. It is currently at the jeweler being resized due to arthritis and an accident at work where his ring caught on a latch under his desk and pulled his finger, which caused some swelling. It took him 30 minutes using a variety of methods to get his ring off, which probably caused it to swell even more, so for the first time in close to 25 years, he is not wearing his wedding ring. And he says he feels lost without it. It is sweet of him to say so, but it happens. It doesn’t change our commitment to one another because he isn’t able to wear his ring.

But I’m starting to think that he must feel that I don’t care, or that my ring doesn’t have the same meaning to me because the first thing I do when I get home at the end of the day is take off all of my jewelry. My fingers usually swell during the night and in the morning, it is hard to get them off, so I don’t wear them when I sleep anymore. I put them on after my shower and throughout the day, I feel them getting loose, so when I get home, off they come so I don’t risk losing them. My husband has never said anything about this, but he does comment if he notices on the weekend that I haven’t put them on. He’ll say, “You aren’t wearing your rings,” and I’ll look at my hand and go “Nope, I forgot to put them on.” It doesn’t mean I’m not married or don’t want people to know I’m married. I’m at the age that I don’t care what other people think. I’m also of the age where reality is that you can’t really wear fancy rings out in public without fear that someone will try to rob you of them. It has happened and I don’t want to look like a good target.

Throughout or marriage, my engagement ring has been upgraded several times. The ring that he gave me when we got engaged is in the safe. It still takes my breath away when I see it, but I was younger and smaller back then, so it doesn’t really fit any more. I could wear it on my little finger, but a ring there has never really felt right. The next ring was for our 10th anniversary. It was bigger and similar in style to the original. For our 20th anniversary, a friend of ours who was a jeweler made a ring from a drawing I had done on a piece of paper. It is one of a kind and definitely noticeable, but for the past year, I haven’t felt safe wearing it out, so I have started wearing only my wedding band. My husband has asked if I don’t like my engagement ring and I find myself explaining that the comments people make when I am out have started to make me feel uncomfortable, so I just leave it at home.

Now that our 25th anniversary is coming up, my husband asked me if I want to get a new ring. I asked him if he wanted to get new wedding bands and he said, “Of course not. I’m not looking for a replacement ring.” And I’m not either. I just don’t need anything fancy. He still wants to get me a new ring if I don’t want to wear my engagement ring. I told him I might get a really thin band in blue sapphire and wear it with my wedding band. He then wanted to know if I didn’t like diamonds anymore. I like diamonds just fine. But I don’t need a bunch of them to feel married.

The jeweler offered to try to have his ring resized in one day, which was probably due to the fact that my husband kept saying the ring has never been off his finger. But my husband told him no, not to hurry. Monday would be fine. The jeweler now has two days to finish it.

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