Author Archives: lenalee91
Is there anything that scares you? Is there something that you know you absolutely would not do? I would probably say that most people would say no, but if given the chance to think about it, might change their mind. I admit, I used to be someone who would say that I’m not easily scared. That would have been true in the past, but I know that isn’t the case now.
I don’t think it is something that suddenly changed one day. I think that I probably have been afraid of things throughout my life, but not anything that truly causes anxiety and fear. The first time that I really felt fear was actually during an MRI for my hip. I didn’t realize that while you are laying on the table the machine begins pulling you further into the tube. All I could think about was getting stuck and not being able to get out. Irrational I know, but try telling me that when I’m the one whose heart was racing and panic was setting in. I pushed the panic button at the same time the machine turned off. Talk about timing.
I know that there are things that I’ve done in the past that I absolutely would not do now. I have ridden roller coasters, but I won’t do that again. I’ve flown several times, but I really don’t want to fly now. I can’t help but wonder what’s changed with me? Why do the thought of doing these things scare me now? Maybe some of it has to do with all the gloom and doom we are subjected to through the media. We see roller coasters malfunctioning and planes having mechanical problems. So why wouldn’t this cause fear?
I started thinking about this one day as I passed a house on the road that leads to our house. I have passed this house twice a day, to and from work, and one day I took a good look at the house. It was covered in vines and weeds. People live there, yet the front and sides of the house are covered and I remember thinking oh no, absolutely no way could I live in that house. I keep thinking of the kudzu vines we saw when we lived in the southern U. S. (For those of you who have no idea what kudzu is, click on the link). Kudzu literally grew several inches a day. Creepy for sure.
Those vines and weeds covering the house seemed absolutely overwhelming. How could someone live in a house where they could not get out of the front door because it was completely covered with vines? How could someone not notice the windows becoming covered with vines and weeds growing so tall that they covered the front steps? And I know people live in the house because they put trash out every week and the cars come and go in the driveway. But me? No way could I visit a house like that let alone live in one. It totally freaks me out just thinking about it. I imagine being trapped inside and not able to get out. What if the only exit out back became blocked too? I have no idea why the idea of being in that house scares me. Irrational, I know, but…it still is scary.
So what about you? Have you ever felt fear about something that didn’t cause you fear in the past?
Okay…time really does fly. Or in my case, it just goes by faster than I thought. I can’t say that it has all be fun and games. To be honest, 2018 was definitely a year of transition for me. I left a job, enrolled in school and tackled my health head on. Hmmm…that seems like a lot.
So last year I made the decision to leave a job that I loved in the beginning, but by the end, I knew that I needed to leave for my own health. I’m sure some people would have a hard time understanding that, but trust me, when you work your butt off and are then given the duties of employees that don’t work, it creates anger and hurt feelings. It also creates tremendous amounts of stress. Some people excel at stress. Me, I am not one of those people. I tend to internalize stress and it can consume you.
Walking away from my job after another disappointing meetings with the higher-ups who listened to what I had to say, but I knew they were just going to continue on, so I continued on right out the door. It was the best decision that I have made in terms of work. My plan was to go back to school and try to learn something new that might lead me in a new direction. I will admit that I took a few weeks to try to de-stress and did nothing but relax, sleep and try to find me again. Apparently it worked because my husband said that he is finally seeing the person that I was instead of the person that I had become in my job. Good to know that it was working.
Last summer I enrolled in school and started my classes. I have completed two and will be starting the next class next week. I still worry that I made a mistake. What if I can’t find a new job? What if? What if? There will always be doubts when you are facing major life changing decisions. Things are going well and hopefully I will end up with a new job to show for it.
I have also been getting healthier. While I had started eating cleaner and cooking more at home last year, I still didn’t address my doctor’s concerns that my blood sugar was higher that he would like it to be. I was just of the mindset that if I didn’t address it, then it really didn’t exist. Of course, I know that isn’t how it works. Ignoring things only makes them worse. So I decided to tackle that issue head on and get rid of food that might spike my blood sugar. I am now home everyday, so cooking has been something that I do all the time now. In October, after we returned from a very short vacation, I started cutting out foods that don’t work for me or just aren’t good for me and it is working too. As of this morning, I have lost 45 pounds and feel better than I have in more than 10 years. I still have more to go, but for the first time I feel positive that I am doing what works for me.
One of the reasons that I refuse to use the word “diet” is that I realized that every time I would say the word, all I would think about was what I couldn’t eat. So for me, if there has to be a term for it, I guess you could say that this is a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change for the better. My blood sugars are down and clearly in the normal range. I also learned that when I stopped eating foods that were sweet, when I did eat something sweeter than usual, it just didn’t taste good. I even made holiday cookies with sugar substitutes and didn’t even finish them. They just didn’t taste good anymore. There are studies that say that people’s tastes change quite often and that just because we don’t like a food now doesn’t mean we won’t like it the next time we try it. I actually made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas and still lost weight.
So, I’m back. Hopefully it will stay that way. I plan to start blogging again. It really is something that I enjoy and I am sad that I let it get away from me for so long. So what’s everyone else been up to while I’ve been gone?
One of the things that I kept coming across in my search for clean eating plans was the inclusion of sparkling water. Now I understand the need to stay hydrated. Water is essential for our bodies to function correctly. Because we are told that soda is bad for us flavored waters have flooded the market. When you start reading their labels, you will find that many flavored waters contain sugar substitutes and those are to be avoided on when trying to eat clean.
The clean eating movement has embraced sparkling water and we are being inundated with flavored sparkling water in every flavor you can think of and many more that you wouldn’t have come up with if it was up to you to do so. Even the soda companies, such as Pepsi and Coke are in the sparkling water business now. One of the reasons that people are drinking it is because the bubbles make you feel full and you don’t feel hungry if you are watching your calories. Others say that it is a replacement for soda and anything that moves you away from high calorie high sugar soda is a good thing.
My son has been a fan of sparkling water for the last year. He tried a few before settling on one that is grapefruit flavored. If you were to give him and actual grapefruit, he would not eat it, but water is different. We have purchased different brands of grapefruit flavored sparkling water, but he always says that he prefers the first brand. We have also purchased a variety of sparkling water in different flavors thinking that my husband and I would try them out to see if they would be something that we could drink. We have tried the following:
Grapefruit–My son’s choice (pictured)
Coconut sparkling water—Ugh no!
Plain sparkling water—No
Berry sparkling water—No
Tangerine Pomegranate sparkling water—No
Strawberry sparkling water—No
Watermelon sparkling water—No—and why does it taste like the green rind and not the sweet melon?
Orange Vanilla sparkling water—No
Cherry Lime sparkling water—No
The one thing that I just can’t get past is the amount of carbonation in the sparkling water. My son actually asked me why I was having such an issue with the carbonation since I do drink soda once in a while. I explained that usually a can of soda is rather flat when you open it, so there isn’t a lot of carbonation. Actually, the soda industry should look into why the sparkling waters are able to retain their carbonation while their sodas don’t. My husband has declared an end to the sparkling water experiment. My son will continue with the grapefruit flavor and I will continue with my plain water.
What do you think about the sparkling water trend?
I wrote earlier that my husband and I were trying to eat healthier and one of the things we were looking at was clean eating. When I began searching for healthy recipes, I would read about how many of the foods we eat today are the causes behind many of the medical issues that people have been experiencing. For example, some people get red, itchy rashes after eating, but have no idea what food may have caused the rash. It can take days for your body to show a rash or another symptom because your immune system may be able to fight it off for a few days before the symptoms finally appear. So how do you know what actually caused the rash? I also read that some foods can cause inflammation and pain in your joints or cause your arthritis to become more painful. The more I read, the more I wanted to learn what I could do to find out if a food or seasoning was causing the problems I was having. Did you know that some seasonings that we cook with can actually make inflammation of your joints worse? I didn’t know that. I thought that a seasoning sprinkled on food while cooking would be harmless. This is because when we think of food we tend to think of calories and most seasonings are zero calorie, so it would be harmless.
When searching for recipes I kept coming across articles about Paleo and Whole30, which are based on the idea of clean eating. Now I am going to simplify things here. For a Paleo eating plan, the idea is to eat foods that are in season and eliminate processed food. Paleo ideology is that we should eat a diet that represents what our ancestors ate thousands of years ago. Basically this would be meat and whatever vegetables and fruits are in season. So, no chips or candy or anything processed.
Whole30 takes the idea of Paleo and expands on it. With Whole30, you are asked to eliminate foods that are known to cause issues for 30 days to see if they are foods that should be taken out of your diet forever. During the 30 days you may see that some of your symptoms have eased or gone away. Once you complete your Whole30, you will be able to reintroduce foods one at a time in order to see if your body reacts to it. If it does, that food needs to be gone for good. If you don’t have a reaction, you can choose to keep that food in your diet. Some foods, such as sugar and sugar substitutes, known to cause Leaky Gut, should be eliminated for good. Many people describe the Whole30 process as hard at first, but they say they feel better and sleep better as their body gets used to eating healthier.
During my research, I came across several websites where the person describes the severe medical issues that they were experiencing, how they saw numerous doctors, had multiple tests done and were not diagnosed correctly or the treatment plan just didn’t help at all. Two blogs that discussed how food helped them heal are The Castaway Kitchen and Whole Daily Life. Both of the bloggers discuss how they tried for years to figure out what was wrong with them, tried all types of treatment and it wasn’t until they began researching on their own to learn about healing themselves through food that they were able to manage their medical symptoms.
While I may not have the serious health issues that those women have, I can’t help but wonder if food is causing some of the issues that I do have. Is the arthritis that I have being made worse because I eat food that causes more inflammation? Is that why some days I can barely walk when I first wake up? Is that why my fingers or knees are swollen? I usually think that I must have taken in too much salt or walked too far the day before, but the reality is that food could be part of the issue.
So, I have started making changes to what I cook, usually meat, vegetables and a salad. We are trying not to purchase processed food and I am reading the labels more to look for hidden sugars and other unhealthy ingredients. Am I ready to do a Whole30? Not yet. I am not sure that I want to go for total elimination yet. I am more aware of what I eat and if I have a reaction. So far, I have discovered that chocolate may be an issue for me and I may have problems with more nuts than I first thought. Right now, I am having fun searching out recipes that I think my husband and I might like. This Egg Roll in a Bowl recipe by The Real Food Dietitians was a winner. I promise to update you as we go.
To learn more, click on the links below or do a search on your own.
It grows slowly…very slowly. Much slower than I originally thought it would. We have had a lot of rain since we first planted. As a matter of fact, it seemed as if it rained the whole month of May. We thought that the rain may have caused the plants to start to die off as they were beginning to turn yellow and weren’t really growing much. My husband decided to go to the home improvement store and get a different type of soil to see if that might be the problem. He also purchased a few new plants (tomato, zucchini and a raspberry bush) to plant in the new soil. While at the store, one of the workers commented that the rain might not be the problem and it could be the soil. He said when plants yellow it usually means that there is too much acid in the soil. So, the organic soil that we used might be too acidic for the plants.
We have continued to have more rain than normal for this time of year. Of the original plants the tomato plants have a couple small tomatoes, most are still green, but there is one cherry tomato that is starting to go from yellow to red. The onions are doing well and the spinach doesn’t seem to be doing anything at all. It actually seems to be shrinking. We thought the lettuce might be lost for good, but they have slowly bounced back and are starting to grow. The plants in the new soil aren’t yellow and also seem to be growing. The raspberry bush has produced about 10 raspberries, so that is good. This was to be a learning experience, so we might learn that we shouldn’t use the type of soil again. The weather is going to be heating up next week, so we will see if that helps the plants. It should help the tomatoes as they usually like it warm and steamy outside.
The one thing that does seem to be thriving in all of the rain are the flowers. They seem much brighter than usual. Here is one of the Lily that we have growing.
Photo © lenalee
I didn’t plan on taking a break. So what have I been up to during my break? Hmmm, lets see, I left my job, decided to go back to school and hope to eventually find another job. Sounds like a lot right? And it was.
So lets start with the job. It hasn’t been a secret that I have not been happy with my job. I love the patients, and they will be what I miss the most, but what I won’t miss is the stress and lack of advancement opportunities. For me, the decision to leave my job was not one that was made easily or quickly. In fact, I realize that I stayed much longer than I should have, but that is on me. It is hard to walk away from a job that I helped to create and develop for my department. But when your husband tells you in a very frank and honest conversation that your job is making you a B@t&h, well you have to really take notice. And I did. And he was right.
What my husband saw was that I would begin withdrawing on Sunday evening. He said that it was like I was putting on my gear to go into battle and from Monday to Friday, I was withdrawn, sad and would come home and just curl up on the couch. He said the only time I would smile was on the weekends. But most of all, he said that he wanted his wife back. So when that conversation happens, you have to take notice and believe me I did.
The question then became what did I want to do? Did I want to stay in my job and hope things will change? Well, honestly, I have been hoping for that for more than two years and it still hasn’t happened. Or did I leave? And what did I want to do when I leave? More conversations with my husband and more conversations with myself led me to the decision to go back to school. And that is rather scary, but now is the time to make it happen. I resigned. Worked my final two weeks and left for career progression. And it felt absolutely wonderful!!!
Now if only I can decide what I want to be when I grow up.
For years my husband and I have talked about planting a garden. We often talked about what we would plant, but we never got around to planting a garden for a lot of reasons. In the beginning, we lived in either an apartment, rented a house or lived in military housing. None of those made it easy to have a garden. When we bought our house in Kansas, we talked about clearing a section of the yard for a garden, but we never seemed to get around to it. Our current neighbors have an extensive garden that runs along the side of our fence. In the past they have shared some of their veggies with us, which were mainly the ones that happened to come over the fence onto our side. This year we have decided that we will have a garden of our own.
We are going to try our hand at container gardening. We have researched the types of vegetables that grow in our zone and when we can start planting them. Since winter has lingered way to long, we are waiting for the last frost of the season, which in this area is usually around May 1st. My husband is the one that has designed the garden and knows where everything will go and how things should be planted. My role has been helping decide what vegetables we want to plant. They currently run to those that I will actually eat. My husband is the one with the green thumb, so if he tells me when to water the plants and how much, I don’t think I will mess them up too much.
Trips to the home improvement store now include stops to see what seeds have come in and look at the gloves and pretty tools needed for gardening. Of course my husband steers me away from those, assuring me that he already has gloves for me and I really don’t need purple clippers. This past weekend we headed out early and picked up organic soil for the containers. Each one is now filled and waiting for when we can get started with the actual planting. Once we see how things go this year, we might look at expanding the garden next year and possibly clearing a space in the yard. Or, we might continue with the containers. So, wish us luck and I’ll be sure to keep you posted as to what we find in our garden.
Photo © Lenalee